After the initial shock and the discomforts that came with a sudden hormonal change, I must say this second trimester is 180 degrees different. I'm going to revert my comment on how getting pregnant is a curse.

God says he knows us even when we are in our mother's wombs. Well, it seems like the baby knows us while its sitting in the womb. I'm beginning to feel pangs of pain in my ever-growing belly which I take as the baby's movement. The other night I was prepared to stage a fight against Andrew and his bad work habits. As I was weaving my battle speech, the baby was moving in a frenzy. I was suddenly reminded to calm down and to keep my emotions in check. Once I start praying for more understanding, the tremor inside ceased. Well, the prayer worked immediately coz instead of me stomping out of the room to nag, Andrew came in and I was able to calmly state my concerns/complaints to him. After that, the baby continued toss and turn about until I officially told Andrew that we had to reconcile coz the baby won't let me sleep. So when the big hug's done, the quake subsided as well. Isn't it interesting how this new life form that has yet to develop its full skeleton is already detecting human emotions so well?  It's going to be an interesting new addition to our relationship.

Reading a post from a girl who believes she's an alien because she doesn't fit in anywhere, I realize I had the same struggle -- perhaps I'm still struggling to find my place. Growing up I feel I'm a mixture of things but I never really fit in anywhere.

I have lived in HK most of my life. However, there isn't another place that I shun so much. The shallow views of life is about climbing ladders, and success is equivalent to the size of your flat or the no. of titles on your business card.

In Canada, I was always the FOB and visitor. I love the environment, the culture and the freedom, but still I always feel like a passerby. It feels sinful to stay in a place that entails all the luxuries that the world would want, when I know at the opposite end of the globe, there are people slaving over a piece of bread and having free time is only something to be attained when they retire.

Kazakhstan shrunk the world for me. Actually it shrunk life for me. I've seen rapid development that changed a desolate area into an imitation of a world class city. I've seen the property prices go up by 400% and I've taught daughters whose fathers owned gold mines.  I've also seen the other spectrum where a 5 cent tram ride is problematic and lunch consisting, regularly, of a cup of tea with sugar and a tart the size of a toonie. I've seen offspring of shattered families trying to piece their lives back together by marrying prematurely and end up in a divorce within a few years. I've also seen the power of a functional family and how real contentment can come out of a small plot of land the size of a basketball court.

Having seen and felt so much, how can I fit back into a world where the focus is on the self and possessions? But then, is there a place in the world where life is not about the two? Is there a place for those who seek something different? Or do we forever have to be aliens?

Reading Ed's cancer updates made me want to blog again.

Never have I thought that being able to sleep soundly is a blessing, or being able to breath normally is something that takes determination. I am blessed. I should remind myself daily.